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| I was looking at the last date I entered my previous entry... it was already one and a half year ago.
I have unsubscribed from xanga for so long and I am wondering if today there is still any of my friends updating their xanga anymore. I always thought its a stupid idea to let every knows what you have in mind, and i still think so...
Today is Friday, 6/13. It is my first week of summer intern for this year. Its fine. This week, a friend from China came to visit me and his friend. We went out for dinner and went to sing k in the night. Tonite was very fun and happy. We sang until 2.00am in the morning until we find out that the Red Rain Storm signal was on. Three of us became anxious and decided to go home immediately. BTW, one of my friend was drunk...very stupid he is...I, on the other hand, drank only a little because tomorrow I still need to go to work.
It was already 2.30 am when I got home. The sky was raining more and more heavily. Good that we made a quick decision to leave asap. When I got the elevator up to my apartment and tried to opened the door with my key, the door was locked (locked from inside). I have to call my mother to wake her up and open the door for me. I felt bad doing that, so I told her to go back to sleep as soon as she opened the door. I closed the door and the light from the hallway was gone, and the apartment turned dark. Suddenly, it reminded me of Zimba's voice. As a bad kid, it was not my first time to come home late when the door was locked. Every time when I had to woke up my mother by calling her, I would also need to woke up Zimba. He would then bark bark bark bark....and wake up the whole family where everyone would yell at me the very next morning. I really hate his voice and his overwhelming sensitivity. After standing in the dark for 1 or 2 mins, I walked to my room. It reminded me of Zimba who used to jump on me which annoys me, and I would just give him a quick touch and ran back into my room and close the door.
When I got back to the room, I grabbed my towel and went to take a shower. During the time, I dont now how but the images of Zimba when I first buy him from the pet store appeared again in my mind. It was already 11 years ago. At that time I was only grade 4, Zimba was like a present from my parents for that I have ranked the top tenth in my class at that time. I still remember one night when I got out of my room after the tutoring lesson, Zimba was already sitting in the cage and I was so excited to see this new dog which I dreamed to have one for so long.
In the next few years, my life with Zimba was fun but some times annoying. I had to help him to take a shower, take him for a walk, and etc. I started not to be as enthusiastic as before. Although I was officially my dog; soon, my mom was the one who was taking care of it. Specially, when I have left HK to the US a few years later. Since the the time I see Zimba became less and less, it seems that I became less caring for him.
This Summer, as usually, I come back to HK. I went to Beijing with my dad for a week. Before I headed to Beijing, Zimba was a little sick, but he certainly seemed alrite. I did not pay any attention to him. A week later, when both my dad and I came back from Beijing, my mom brought Zimba to the vet because he could not eat anything and keep vomiting. After realizing the first vet was an idiot, we switched to a second one who seemed better and since the vet looked like she can cue Zimba, not much worries came to me. On the first Sunday when I saw Zimba for the first time after I came back from Beijing, he seemed alrite, just a little tired. So, I am still not caring him too much. The next day, he seems a little more tired, but the vet said its because of the medicine; so, I acted kind of indifferent. Tuesday was the first day of the start of my summer job. I did not go to the vet with my mom. That Tuesday, 6/10, I got out of office at 6pm. I called my mom and see if they are picking up the dog to go home. My sister answered and told me that they are taking Zimba to another vet being recommended because the its situation has become worse. I was shocked but since I did not know the address of the new vet, I could only go home with my dad and wait for my mom's call. Perhaps its 7pm. My sister called my dad and told him that we should go to see the dog because his situation is very bad. My dad and I drove to the vet which is far away and took us some time to find the clinic.
When I entered the room, I saw my mom and sistered are all around Zimba, they are crying. Zimba lied on the table not moving. I can only see his eye balls looking at me, probably he was not weak to move. My dad, who was parking the car, entered the room. Zimba had not seem my dad since we went to Beijing. He was so happy that he tried to stand up but fell down again. From my mom, dad and I noticed that Zimba got serious liver cancer and there is no cure. The vet say he could live for 1 or 2 more days, but thats it. At that moment, my mother was holding Zimba in her arms. Looking at Zimba, I can see that he was breathing so hard. But I can still see his eyes are big and cute. Is he really that sick? I doubted. But in all my family's heart, we knew that theres not way to cure him. The better way is to let him go and stop suffering from the unnecessary things.
Looking a Zimba, I saw that he was still lying in the same position as 15 mins ago. In the past, this would not happen because he is so active that he cant be still for more than a minute. I tried to hold back my tears but I really could not. I turned around my tears came out my eyes. I was the a long long long time since I wanted to cry and I could not really hold back my tears. In my memory, I have cried 2 or 3 times in the past 11 years. Frankly speaking, although I cried in those 2 or 3 times, I am confident that I could hold back my tears if I really wanted to. Expect this time, the more I tried to not, the more tears I have.
After probably 45 mins, my family made the decision on letting Zimba to go. My dad told the vet that we are ready. It was about 10mins when the vet come in. In this 10 mins, my sister took some pictures with Zimba. At first I did not, but then I took a last picture with Zimba, who is lying on the table motionlessly. Although my mom, sisters and I wanted to see Zimba when the vet let him leave the world, my dad forced us to go out of the room. Before I leave the room, I had a last one or two looks at Zimba. He looks really really really tired, his eyes were half close. Is he tired? Is he sad because he know he wont see us anymore? He didnt not even move when all of us leave the room. I think he knows what going on in the room. The vet who dressed in purple closed the door slowly. Just after a minute or two. He came out of the room and told my mom Zimba has passed away. We all went in and looked at Zimba. The vet used his hands to close his eyes. At this time, my tears came again. Also, at this time, I was looking at the pet nurse, I can see her eyes are a little bit red. It didnt seem usual for a nurse who has seen so many times animals passing away to cry for Zimba. Maybe Zimba is just too cute for anyone to see him pass away.
In these two days, every time when I enter the house, it reminds me of Zimba jumping up and down, scratching my leg and barking so loudly. Yes, he was annoying; but I realize this is why I misses him so much. I can never help him to take a bath or take him to walk anymore.
Its 4.00am now. 4 more hrs of sleep then I have to wake up and go to work.
I just realized that I have written so long. It's good because I dont think people would want to read it. To me, I just want a place to store my last memories of Zimba, which I think it may become less vivid as time goes by; it is not the point for sharing with others.
 
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| I was doing a puzzle tonite and when I was almost done with it....
I figured out that I am missing a piece........
Things are always:
1) when you think its done, but its not
2) when you think you almost get it, but its not.
LOL~
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| I have decided the two goals for this semester:
1) To focus when doing a task, e.g. studying
2) To shorten the time for doing that task.
but I am already not focussing coz I should be studying at this moment...not on xanga...
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| I realized that I am so stupid...
ok, I picked up a CD @ the classroom which says "Instructor CD-ROM" of my Statistics Book...
I browsed it and found it no use and threw it away
Now, I found that my textbook describes that all the solutions to the excerises are located the CD-ROM..............
The worst thing is that I never empty my trash...but that nite, I threw away the trush right away........
I should have looked into it more carefully....
so stupid........I am..............
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| arrived @ new school for 1 week already.
some good some bad la...
the school is not bad but i finally found something truely good about my old school.
anyways....have to be here for another 3 years - Cornell University. | | |
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